I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
