If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
