I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
