I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
