How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So much rum. So many feels.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
