if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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