Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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