I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
