I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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