Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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