I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
