my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
