Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
