listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
