her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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