Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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