well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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