ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
