I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we're so committed to being not committed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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