I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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