What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
