according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
