how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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