wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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