i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
