He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
