I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
