Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
