The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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