the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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