i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
