Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
