i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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