After last night, I could never be a politician.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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