At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
