i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
