just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
me + whiskey = a bad person
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
