adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
