rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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