I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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