We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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