her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
