I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you had me at cake vodka
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
