Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All the doctor said was why
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
