I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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