oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
