Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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