...so i touched it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
