Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
