Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
