I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
