so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
