So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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