Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
