There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
