There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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