Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
