I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
