So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
