I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
