just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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